"I'm Going to Caelum Forest Preserve" | ClancyPasta PRESENTS

[00:00:00] This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans.

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[00:01:00] ClancyPasta presents I'm Going to Caelum Forest Preserve by Power572. And you're listening to ClancyPasta. Have you ever experienced a sudden burst of motivation? The type of feeling that makes every decision feel like the most profound choice you've ever made?

[00:01:29] I'm pretty prone to these phases myself, and like most other people, they often end as quickly as they arrive. A diet I never even attempted to stick to. A vacation I could never reasonably afford. A new passion for a career I know nothing about. The decision itself feels great, but the follow-through isn't nearly as romantic.

[00:01:59] I thought this time would be the same as all the last time. A fleeting moment of inspiration before I slithered back into my daily routine, shedding all the dreams and aspirations I may have held the night before. I wish that I had. It was late June, and after a ten-hour shift, I wanted nothing more than to become a vegetative husk on my couch.

[00:02:29] Sitting under sterile office lights with nothing to keep you company but the occasional hum of a printer will strip away even the most basic of thoughts from the strongest of men. I was watching one of those survivalist videos online, where they go out into the woods or maybe an island, and demonstrate how to build shelter out of sticks and leaves.

[00:02:54] I had about as much camping experience as I do astronaut experience, which is to say none, so seeing somebody thrive in that environment brought an odd form of comfort. However, before the video had even fully concluded, something in the recommended section caught my eye.

[00:03:26] Surviving a week in Kalem Forest Preserve, the tallest trees on Earth. The thumbnail showed a man being completely dwarfed by a ginormous tree. Despite being so zoomed out that the man appeared as a vague smudge, the entire tree still did not manage to fit in the frame. It seemed somewhat interesting,

[00:03:54] and I figured a few minutes wouldn't hurt my sleep schedule too badly, so I queued it up. The video started out like any other. Building a shelter using fallen branches and leaves, a shore demonstration on how to collect rainwater, and a lecture on the history of coastal redwoods. That last part was rather dull, which was amplified by my state of iridescent indoctrination.

[00:04:26] The creator himself was a fit younger man, probably in his late twenties. He had shaggy blonde hair and green eyes. His nose bent slightly to the left, and a small scar on his cheek. He looked more like a surfer than a survivalist. I was on the verge of turning it off when it suddenly deviated from the formula I was used to.

[00:04:53] The royalty-free track and b-roll footage were suddenly replaced by the man giving a speech about how much those woods meant to him. Most of it was a fairly typical spiel about how much he appreciated the opportunity to do content creation, and how he appreciated anywhere he went. I was only partly listening when he began to speak

[00:05:22] about his childhood. I was kind of an angsty guy when I was younger, you know? It wasn't like I had a bad life or anything, but I just wasn't sure where I belonged. My ears perked up at this slightly, and he continued. My grades weren't exceptionally good or bad. I had a normal amount of friends,

[00:05:51] a couple of girlfriends. He gave a dramatically bashful expression, as if he had just been caught doing something downright scandalous. I just wasn't sure what I was meant to do, man. My friends had dreams, ambitions, and careers planned out. What? I was just kind of, I don't know, floating along? The video began cutting between

[00:06:20] old Polaroid pictures of a child and an older man, presumably the survivalist and his father. Then one day, out of the blue, Dad said that we would be going camping for a weekend. I hated the idea, but when you're 15, you don't have much of a say. We drove out here, in his shitty car, and I was being as annoying as I could the whole way.

[00:06:51] When we finally got to the campsite, it hit me like a truck. Everything here was so beautiful. The air was clean, and the sound of birds singing to each other in the trees, it felt like I had been dropped into a movie scene. It just kind of clicked for me. I don't know. He began to trail off,

[00:07:20] and seemed to be on the verge of choking up. After taking a few seconds to compose himself, he laughed and finished telling his story. We ended up leaving that same night because I slipped on a rock while giving my best King Kong impression and broke my arm in the fall. As soon as it healed, I begged and begged to go back whenever my dad had free time.

[00:07:50] I felt like I belonged here. Kalen is like my home.

[00:08:22] Check at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode, available on Plus and Pro Plans. Got a Sam's Cafe pizza order up. You know the best part about this spicy Italian sausage? I voted for this topping. Yeah, just another perk of being a member. Come join us. Sam's Club. After that, he trailed back into how he started his channel

[00:08:51] and his growth online, but none of that interested me. I checked his channel to see if he had any other videos posted from there, but his most recent upload was over four years ago. However, I did learn that the creator's real name was Andrew Faraday, and he had been doing survivalist content for about three years at the time of the upload.

[00:09:18] Since there was nothing else related to Kalen on his channel, I rewound the video and listened to his story two more times. Something about the determination of his words, and the certainty that he had, found what he was meant to do, had completely entranced me. I work as a front desk attendee at a company that does 99% of its business online.

[00:09:49] My busiest day consists of two people walking in the door. I had moved to California when I was 22 in hopes that I would make a better life for myself out here. I applied for colleges, tried making friends, and ventured out to explore new hobbies. I did everything I thought you were supposed to do in order to kickstart your life as an adult. None of it worked.

[00:10:19] I was rejected from the colleges I applied to. None of my prospective friendships amounted to anything, and I couldn't stick to a hobby if you glued me to it. I had a shitty apartment, a shitty job, and nothing to look forward to. Hearing this guy, who looked to be around my age, speak about finding that spark I so desperately wanted,

[00:10:49] I couldn't get it out of my head the rest of the night. Even after I had turned the video off and gone to bed, his words kept echoing in my mind. Before I knew it, I was researching where Caelum Forest Preserve even was. To my surprise, I couldn't find anything online about Calum specifically, as all searches for it simply directed you toward Big Sur instead.

[00:11:19] Luckily, the intro of the video had been kind enough to include a map screenshot with a big red circle and arrows pointing to the location. After matching up the map on my phone with the map in the video, I figured that the area seemed to be decently far from the main trails. The only road leading up to Calum was a small back road leading off from the main road.

[00:11:47] The remote nature of the area would usually have scared me off immediately, but the inspiration from Andrew's speech hadn't yet worn off. Nonetheless, I tried to dissuade myself from thinking about it any further. I looked up the price of camping supplies to convince myself I couldn't afford it. But tents and packs are surprisingly inexpensive.

[00:12:17] Well, that wouldn't matter because I certainly wouldn't be approved for the necessary time off, right? Well, as it turns out, a receptionist with nobody to greet isn't a particularly critical member of staff. It was a slippery slope from there. And before I knew it, I was on the road heading towards a remote forest with no camping experience,

[00:12:47] cheaply purchased equipment, and bare minimum knowledge of the environment I was entering. The drive was fairly uneventful. The surrounding area was just as gorgeous as I remember, and it made for a pleasant enough experience to keep my doubts at bay. When I arrived at the entrance to the road leading up to Calum,

[00:13:15] I found it to be slightly overgrown. It was not in enough disrepair to be concerning, but it did show a lack of use compared to every other road I had seen. From there, it took around 30 minutes on primarily dirt roads to arrive at the trailhead. Nearby was a faded sign that read, Welcome to Calum Forest Preserve.

[00:13:44] Unlike the road, the trail was very noticeably overgrown, and had clearly not been used in a significant amount of time. I was not sure exactly how long of a hike this trail would take me on, and I began to have doubts about the amount of gear I had packed. I had brought along a backpack with a first aid kit, a specifically labeled Survivor's Multi-Tool, which was recommended on Amazon,

[00:14:14] a flashlight, a book, some canned food, and several water bottles. I also had a cheaply purchased tent, sleeping bag, and blankets that could strap onto the backpack I had bought. My final piece of equipment was a large knife bordering on machete territory. I parked my car in the nearby dirt lot, loaded up my gear,

[00:14:43] and began to head down the trail. This was my moment, my time to find my passion, and I was ready to meet it, head on. I was ready to leave 30 minutes into the hike. The brush was thick, the bugs were unbearable, and following the trail required serious attention as the paths swerved this and that way.

[00:15:11] The pack I was carrying weighed me down significantly, and I wasn't in the best shape to begin with. I was seriously on the verge of calling the entire journey of self-discovery quits. I finally saw the first redwood on the horizon. The tree was absolutely gigantic. The video had not come close

[00:15:38] to truly demonstrating the size of a coastal redwood. It was at least 200 feet tall and 15 feet wide. It was a beautiful sight to behold, even from a distance, and it gave me some level of motivation to continue moving closer. The trail ended up taking another two hours to reach the end. It was a terrible experience,

[00:16:07] but as I continued down the path, I saw more and more of the enormous redwoods come into view. With each tree I saw, I grew more and more thrilled. I was convinced that the key to my life was somewhere in those trees, and I would finally find my deeper calling in life. The trail emptied out into a wide clearing.

[00:16:37] At this point, all the smaller firs and pines had faded into the distance, and I was completely surrounded by the colossal trees I had seen in the video. Each one stretched so high that I had to squint to even hope of seeing the treetops. It was an almost mystical experience, being alone in a clearing and surrounded by nothing but the trees.

[00:17:05] I could almost feel their weight in the air, the way the breeze seemed to move around and not through their leaves. It was an army of botanical ancients, and I was smack dab in the middle of it. I went to take a rest in the cover of the tree, and as I leaned against its gargantuan trunk, I was greeted

[00:17:33] by a warm and sticky sensation against my back. I immediately leapt up and turned to look at the trunk, my imagination telling me I'd somehow managed to crush a squirrel or a colony of poisonous bugs. However, as far as I could tell, there was nothing to visibly indicate the source of the feeling.

[00:18:02] I gingerly pressed my hand against the tree and realized that the tree itself was almost spongy in texture and wet with a substance and the tree I couldn't identify. As I felt more around, it felt like someone had coated the entire tree in soda and left it to dry. It didn't feel

[00:18:31] like any other tree sap I had countered, which was an admittedly small sample size, and it didn't smell like anything either. Eventually, I brushed it off as I was not botanically inclined enough to pass judgment on the qualities of a tree's sap and decided to rest on the ground next to the tree instead. As I lay there, I listened to the tranquil sounds of the forest.

[00:19:02] After around ten minutes, a sudden chorus of sound began to ring out. It was like every tree in the forest had been holding its breath and had all released it at once. A creaking of bark and shifting of leaves echoed in every direction for maybe two minutes before slowly dying back down into silence. I wasn't sure what had caused the sound.

[00:19:31] Maybe a strong gust of wind had blown across the tops of the trees or a tiny shift in a fault line nearby had caused the trees to move ever so slightly. I had never been in a forest, let alone one with trees as large as this, and figured it must be something causing the tops of the trees to sway due to their height. After I had caught my breath and let my muscles

[00:20:01] relax, I picked up my pack and started looking for a suitable place to set up camp. It didn't take very long, in part due to my laziness, before I found a spot that seemed suitable. It was a 15 minute walk away from the clearing I had started in. The ground was relatively flat, and the trees provided some nice shade. After about an hour of wrestling with tent poles,

[00:20:31] I had my very first camp set up. My tent was a small dome-style shelter. It was a shade of navy blue. It was a little cramped, and I had to bend my knees slightly to fit inside comfortably. Despite that, I have to be honest, the feeling of euphoria when I finally was able to lay down and unpack was indescribable. It felt like crawling into bed

[00:21:01] with a lover after a long day, and letting all the worries slide off your back. By this point, it was nearing 4pm, according to my watch, and sunset was predicted to be around 8pm that night. With great effort, I left the comfort of my crappy tent and set myself to work collecting firewood.

[00:21:32] As I wandered around collecting loose branches and twigs from the base of nearby trees, I continued to hear the odd creaking sound from earlier in the day. It happened almost rhythmically, and by the time I was done with my task, I could almost predict when it would occur. The intervals between sounds were fairly consistent, with each wave happening roughly every 30 minutes or so.

[00:22:06] Although the sound didn't necessarily bother me, it did make the following silence seem even quieter. This became slightly more disconcerting as night grew closer and closer. this episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for

[00:22:35] bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available bomb plus and pro plans. Got a Sam's Cafe pizza order up. You know the best part about this spicy Italian sausage? I voted for this topping. Yeah, just

[00:23:05] another perk of being a member. Come join us. Sam's Club. When I returned to camp, I piled up my branches and used the striker on my multi-tool to make an attempt at lighting it. To my dismay, branches and twigs are actually not great for kindling a fire. After many curses and several attempted techniques, I did eventually

[00:23:34] manage to get it started right as the sun started to set. Frustrated but relieved that the ordeal was over, I tried to warm up the beans I had brought for dinner. Before I could even retrieve the can from my pack, the fire sputtered weakly and died. Exasperated and defeated, I stomped out the

[00:24:03] smoldering embers, ate my beans cold, and decided to head into the tent for the night. I placed my pack inside and got myself settled into my sleeping bag. I thought I might read my book before bed to put some kind of positive spin on the night. flashlight. I pulled my book out alongside the flashlight and attempted to turn it on for some light to read by.

[00:24:32] After several flips of the switch, I flipped it over and unscrewed the bottom. I forgot the fucking batteries. This was the final straw on the day for me. I unzipped the tent and chucked my flashlight into the darkness, cursing myself for thinking that any of this was a good idea. I should have just

[00:25:01] stuck to the fucking diet instead of going into the middle of the woods. Just then, the trees began their creaking and shaking as if they were laughing at my failure and anger. I let out a long sigh and lay down to sleep. The song of the forest occasionally chimed out like a

[00:25:30] lullaby until I eventually drifted off. The following morning, I treated myself to another cold can of beans and tried to come up with a way to salvage the trip after its disastrous start. The only solution I could come up with was to enjoy the beauty of the environment through some slight exploration. Some time in nature, not worrying about my

[00:25:59] camp situation, sounded like a nice way to spend the morning. I was no more than ten paces out of my tent when I noticed something jutting out of the ground at the base of a nearby tree. This was odd, as I'm fairly sure I would have noticed it had it been there last night. Upon closer inspection, the

[00:26:28] object seemed to be the upper half of a moderately sized metal box. Now, I'm definitely sure it wasn't here the night before. I may be stupid, but there's no way I don't notice a metal box sticking out of the ground right next to my camp. A sense of unease crept down my spine. Things like this don't just appear out of nowhere.

[00:26:57] If it's near my camp half-buried, someone must have placed it here in the night. I steeled myself and carefully began to open the box. Inside, there was only a single item, and it made all my hairs stand on end the moment I saw it.

[00:27:29] It was my flashlight. That couldn't be right. I had thrown it away. Why would some random stranger bring it back in a box? Why wouldn't they just tell me they were leaving it for me? How did I not hear them in my campsite? I hit the switch on the

[00:27:58] flashlight, and it miraculously turned on. I flipped it over and unscrewed the bottom, and inside were two new D batteries. Although it was nice to have a functioning flashlight, I still felt extremely discomforted that someone had been in my campsite while I was none

[00:28:27] the wiser. Hello? Is anyone out there? I yelled out, and then waited several agonizing seconds for a response. There was nothing but the hum of the trees. I looked back down and pulled the box out of its place in the dirt, and I noticed two things that seemed off.

[00:28:57] For one, the box itself felt oddly familiar, like I'd seen it before. I couldn't place where, but I was almost certain I had seen this box in the past. The second was that despite a sizable chunk of earth being missing directly next to the base of the tree, there were no roots whatsoever. I widened and deepened

[00:29:27] the hole, but was still unable to locate any kind of root system. I walked around the tree and realized that it did, in fact, have roots, but that they all seemed to be pointing in a single direction that was deeper into the forest. I went from tree to tree, checking the roots at the base, and every single one

[00:29:56] had the same phenomena. All of their roots pointed deeper into the woods. My head felt like it was spinning. So much was happening all at once. I wanted to hide, to investigate, to run, to continue on like nothing was happening. But this was supposed to be my trip.

[00:30:25] This was my journey of self-discovery, where I found my purpose, where I found something to make all the shit worth living through. I couldn't just get up, because things are a little bit odd. Things are odd all the time when camping, right? That's why there are so many Bigfoot sightings. Besides, nothing crazy or threatening had happened. Maybe the water just flows

[00:30:54] downwards here, and a kind passerby brought me my flashlight back, and the trees hum because of the wind. I need this. I can't give up on it now. I stood myself up, and decided to continue with my planned exploration of the surrounding area. I picked a direction, and set out to find anything of interest.

[00:31:25] I walked and walked, with no particular rhyme or reason, enjoying the ambient vibe of the nature around me. I had the trees hum to keep me company, and the more I heard it, the more I could pick up on the faintest of melodies within the shrieking of bark and branch. I was almost tempted to hum along with them. As I continued on, I began to notice a path that seemed

[00:31:56] somewhat worn, as if it were regularly worn. I would have assumed it to be from a deer or bear or some other forest creature, but I hadn't seen a single sign of any animal since I arrived the day before. I found myself following along the trail, curious to see where it led. After a while, it narrowed, with

[00:32:25] lines of trees on either side forming a wall of sorts. These trees were even larger than the rest of them, reaching easily 300 feet into the air. Their tops were completely obscured by the shimmer of distance, and it gave an immense feeling of smallness to walk alongside them. The path eventually opened up into a clearing, eerily similar to the one I initially arrived into.

[00:32:53] The only difference was that in the center of this clearing, there was a small tree. It looked exactly like the giant ones that make up the forest, except shrunken to the size of an ordinary tree. This small redwood also had one more difference of note. It was bearing fruit. From several branches hung apples of

[00:33:22] various sizes, and they seemed to severely weigh down the branches to the point that they drooped. No other tree I had seen thus far had any fruit growing from it, and I hadn't seen any discarded remains of fruit within the forest. I approached the dwarf plant and plucked the fruit from one of its appendages, causing the branch it hung from to snap back up with a crack.

[00:33:52] As far as I could tell, it was no different from any other apple. It smelled and felt the same as every other apple I'd ever tried. After a moment of hesitation, I took a bite. Immediately, the forest rang out louder than it had at any point in the last day. It was ten minutes ahead of schedule, and the sound was almost deafening.

[00:34:23] The melody I had heard was now replaced by an almost agonized scream resonating from every tree in the forest all at once. I thought I was going to faint when it suddenly stopped. It didn't fade out the way it typically does, it just stopped. Once I collected my bearings, I realized that I still had the chunk of apple in my mouth.

[00:34:53] It had a slight metallic taste, probably from me biting my lip out of fright, but it was definitely a regular apple. I turned away from the fruit-bearing tree and decided to head back towards camp. I walked for four hours. I was fully convinced that I was lost. There was no way it had taken more than an hour to reach the clearing from the start of

[00:35:22] the worn path. I was certainly still on the path, and there weren't any offshoots or turns I could have taken, so why was it taking so long to get back? The panic began to set in, and my pace quickened. There's no way I got lost on a straight path. It just isn't possible. My mind began to race, recalling every step I

[00:35:51] took to get here, as my legs broke out into a full sprint. I ran with everything I had down the path until there was nothing left to give. As I ran, I scanned the area around me for anything I could recognize. A broken branch I had stepped on. A funny-looking tree, I remembered. Anything that could tell me things were going to be

[00:36:17] okay, right as my despair reached its peak. I saw the break in the trees that signified the end of the path. I slowed my pace slightly, but still managed to work my way back towards the camp as quickly as my now wobbly legs could manage. I collapsed the moment I hit the tent.

[00:36:44] I wanted nothing more than to leave this place, but my energy was gone, and the sun was already beginning to set. I decided that I would be leaving the moment the sun rose the next morning, and I drifted off into a restless sleep. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast.

[00:37:12] Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and ProPlans. Did you know Sam's Club isn't a store?

[00:37:38] It's actually a club with cool finds and, like, a whole community. It's a club. Of course, Jason. It's in the name. Sam's Club. Oh, yeah. Come join us. Sam's Club. I was woken up by the sound of footsteps outside my tent. I was stunned for a moment, unable to believe it was happening. This kind of thing only happens in movies.

[00:38:06] There's no way it's happening to me. I panicked and fumbled from my pack in the dark, hoping to retrieve the knife I'd stored within. The pack wasn't in the tent. I could hear the footsteps growing closer to me, and my sense of fear and panic grew with each step. I begged and pleaded with God, praying to make it through this, promising to appreciate my life if I make it home.

[00:38:34] I knew I was lying. I was lying. As soon as the words crossed my mind, I would pray, and I would live, and I would hate myself. I would hate the life I built. It's who I am, and it's why I'm here. I deserve this. Would I be here if I didn't?

[00:39:05] The footsteps came to a stop right outside my tent, the shadow of a man slowly creeping into view on the wall. I was on the verge of tears at this point. Someone was right outside, and I had nothing to defend myself with.

[00:39:25] The man raised his hand and gently caressed the nylon ball of my tent. The sound rang out so loudly in the silence that I thought it might rip me apart before he got a chance to. Moonlight shined through a small opening in the zipper door.

[00:39:51] I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst. But it never came. I heard the footsteps retreat away from me, and when I opened my eyes, the shadow was gone from the tent. I listened closely, breath caught in my chest, as the footsteps slowly faded out until I could no longer hear them.

[00:40:23] When I calmed down and gathered the courage to leave the tent, I found my pack sitting atop the remnants of the previous night's fire. I scrambled over to it, hoping to grab my car keys and get the fuck out. I dug and dug through the pack. Every pocket and pouch was turned out. The keys were gone.

[00:40:55] Motherfucker! Motherfucker! I screamed out at the top of my lungs. That fucking guy had stolen my car keys! I grabbed my flashlight and knife, prepared to follow him. I switched the flashlight on and quickly identified a trail of footprints around the camp. I saw one trail leading away, and one leading towards the tent.

[00:41:23] It seemed like the steps towards the tent originated in the direction of the fruit tree, and the ones leading away headed deeper into the forest. I was turning to follow the second trail, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. There was a set of muddy footprints on the side of my tent.

[00:41:50] I got closer and shined the light at them while pulling up the tent door. I almost vomited when I realized what I was looking at. The footprints were close to the ground and parallel to it. More importantly, they were on the inside of the tent.

[00:42:18] I looked inside and saw the floor next to where I was lying seemed slightly depressed downwards. He had been lying next to me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He had crept into my tent while I slept and lay next to me. That's how my pack got outside, and that's why the zipper was slightly open when I woke up.

[00:42:48] I didn't know what to do. The one barrier of safety I felt I had had just been completely and utterly shattered. I finally broke down. The fear, relief, frustration, and anger of the weekend all crashed down on me at once. I began to sob. Quietly at first, and then uncontrollably.

[00:43:16] I grasped at the ground looking for something to keep me tied down to reality. Any semblance of comfort that I could find. My hand fell around one of the tree roots nearest to my tent. I laid there for a moment, root in hand, unsure of what I should do next.

[00:43:44] I could try and make my way back to the car, but I'm likely miles out from the nearest person. Wandering in the woods was just as likely to lead to my death as following the man, so... I decided to go after him. I brought myself to my feet and looked at the trail of footprints leading deeper into the forest.

[00:44:09] I tried my best to feel confident and hesitantly started following after it. While I walked, I noticed that the footprints were following the direction that the tree roots pointed to. When they deviated away from the subject of the roots' attention, they would turn back towards the center of the forest.

[00:44:36] The sound of the trees got louder and louder the deeper I got into the forest. And the trees themselves were even wetter than the ones near my camp. I placed my hand on a tree to attempt to hold my balance while stepping over a large rock.

[00:44:57] And my hand sunk a quarter inch into the side of the tree and came out covered in whatever substance their bark contained. I wiped off my hand and continued walking. Unsure of my destination and unsure of what I would even do when I got there, I doubt. Please give me back my keys?

[00:45:26] Would be a successful strategy. One of these questions was answered for me. In the center of the forest, I suddenly noticed an unbelievably large tree reaching into the sky. I'm talking at least five times the size of every other tree in the forest.

[00:45:53] It seemed to reach upwards forever. I thought back to my prayer from earlier and was reminded of the creation of Adam. Without any particular reason, a thought crossed my mind. It's reaching for God.

[00:46:18] By all logic, this tree should be visible from the road, the trail, and my camp. Fuck, this thing should have been visible from space. But it hadn't been there. It shouldn't be there. Nothing on earth should be capable of growing that large. It wasn't even particularly far from my camp.

[00:46:48] Seeing it now felt like someone had placed it down right behind my back. The massive tree, the ones near it, had a much darker hue compared to the muddy oranges of the rest of the forest. These bordered more on maroon and seemed to amplify the already dark atmosphere of the night.

[00:47:17] Then the trees began to hum again. It shook the ground and vibrated the air, and the song within was the clearest it had ever been. It felt joyous, like a chorus joined in the celebration of life. The trees grew darker as they continued to scream out. Several of them had their bark physically crack and then grew silent once more.

[00:47:50] This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.

[00:48:20] Did you know Sam's Club isn't a store? A club? With cool finds and, like, a whole community. It's a club! Of course, Jason. It's in the name. Sam's Club. Oh, yeah. Come join us. Sam's Club. I continued on towards the towering tree at the center.

[00:48:43] As I grew closer, I saw that the base of the trunk contained a gigantic hollow opening. Although it was obscured by the shadow of the tree, I could see him now. He was standing in front of the hollow, arms raised towards the tree. He wore nothing at all.

[00:49:10] Yet his nude body did not feel out of place here. I was within earshot and could hear when he began to scream. Oh, Mother. I love you, Mother. Your presence is a blessing, Mother. I tried to get as close as I could without him noticing, but he abruptly stopped and turned directly towards me.

[00:49:40] Have you come to praise her? He called out in my direction. I tried to remain quiet, hoping he wasn't actually aware of my presence. You may have these back if you want them. He dangled my car keys in the air before tossing them onto the ground a few feet in front of him.

[00:50:09] I have no desire to harm you, child. Seeing the car keys on the floor in front of him. I figured that there would be no way to avoid this confrontation. I yelled out to him. Then why did you sleep in my tent, you fucking psychopath? Why did you steal my keys? That seems pretty fucking harmful to me.

[00:50:42] He seemed to contemplate this for a moment. Before responding in a calm tone, Mother must see that her children are comforted when they fret. As for your keys, I had to bring you to meet her for yourself. I slowly began to approach the keys lying on the ground.

[00:51:12] His eyes rested upon me kindly as I did. I did not see any hatred or anger in his eyes. And he made no move towards me. Listen, man. I don't know your mother. And I don't know you. I just want to get the fuck out of here and go home.

[00:51:42] As I reached the spot where my keys lay, the man's face came into full view. He had long blonde hair, a crooked nose, and a scar on his left cheek. He was disheveled, naked, and covered in dirt. But I recognized him regardless.

[00:52:11] Holy shit. Andrew Faraday? What are you doing out here? At this, he smiled and turned his back to me, facing the tree and bowing down. Oh, mother, you have blessed us with a profit. Your grace knows no bounds. He returned his gaze to me and explained.

[00:52:42] I found mother, and she has blessed me with the privilege of being shepherd to her children. She has filled every dark blot in my soul with her kindness. Oh, praise you, mother. His voice began to crack, and tears flowed freely down his cheeks. Oh, child, you must meet her. She is love.

[00:53:11] She is purpose. She is meaning. That is what you are here for, is it not? I didn't understand how he knew that. But something about it tempted me, in a way no other sentence could have. I crept towards him slowly,

[00:53:39] but held my knife tighter in my hand as I did. Andrew turned and walked into the hollow, disappearing from sight for a moment, before calling out to me, Come, come. You have to see. You must see. I hesitated for several moments,

[00:54:07] before shining my flashlight into the opening, and saw Andrew standing on the opposite side of a large pit in the ground. He was smiling ear to ear, his arms spread as if beckoning me to look inside. I very slowly entered the hollow of the Leviathan tree, keeping my light trained on Andrew the entire time.

[00:54:37] As I got closer, an abominable stench hit my nose and caused me to gag. I swiveled around the flashlight, looking for a source, before my light settled on the pit. The pit was about twenty feet across. As I crept closer and looked down,

[00:55:04] I saw something that nearly broke my mind completely. I vomited, but couldn't bring myself to look away, even as I emptied my stomach. It was deep. So deep, that I wouldn't even be able to see the bottom if it was empty. The sides were lined with sharp root tips, jutting out of the earth.

[00:55:35] Inside were hundreds, maybe even thousands of animals. They were stuffed inside so tight, that they had almost no room to move. I could see deer, bears, foxes, and mountain lions. They were all thrashing inside the pit, trying to right themselves and escape. I watched a deer, kicking and twisting,

[00:56:05] push a buck into one of the spikes lining the wall. The buck screamed out in pain, a large, bloody wound now lining its side. As the buck attempted to violently squirm itself away from the root, its antlers, pierced into the mouth of a fox, causing it to hang from the buck's head like a demented ornament.

[00:56:34] I watched as the animals thrashed, goring each other in the process, pushing each other into the spikes, and being smashed down further into the pit by the ones above. Andrew finally spoke. Isn't it glorious? Mother has returned her children to the womb.

[00:57:04] I couldn't find the words to respond to her. My eyes glued to the hellish struggle unfolding in front of me. I scanned through the mass of flesh and gore, overbashed in skulls and bones, broken to the point of unrecognizability. Eventually, something below the top layer of chaos brought me to a stop. There was a

[00:57:32] person in there. The side of his face was caved in, his arms twisted at an unnatural angle, and his jaw hung freely from the side of his face that was still partially intact. I looked over the pit again, noticing more and more people with each glance. A young girl, missing her legs.

[00:58:00] An older man whose body was so contorted that I could barely identify him as human. And a younger man whose head had been speared through by a root. I fell to my knees and began to cry. I couldn't even begin to understand what I was seeing. It was such a disgusting display of violence. A waste of life. For what?

[00:58:29] I could only muster one word for Andrew. Why? He replied, maintaining his warm tone of voice. Just watch, child. Mother will show you. After several minutes,

[00:58:57] the thrashing it almost completely ceased. I saw something enveloping the bodies lower down in the pit. It wasn't until it got closer that I saw what it was. Blood. The blood from all these creatures was filling the pit, slowly submerging their corpses

[00:59:24] until they all disappeared from view entirely. A moment passed, and the trees began to sing again. It was painfully loud. Under any other circumstance, I would be writhing in pain, but I couldn't stop watching. The blood in the pit slowly began to go back down.

[00:59:52] I watched the tree around me grow darker and darker as the blood continued to drain. The screaming began again. As each animal emerged from the blood, it resumed its desperate attempt for escape. My eyes started to wear the elderly man headband. His body,

[01:00:21] which had moments ago been completely contorted, was now fully restored. I could see now that he was wearing clothes that matched those that I'd seen in paintings of people from the 1700s. As we locked eyes, he began to scream and beg me to help him. I looked for something nearby to hoist him out of the pit, but when I looked back,

[01:00:51] he had already been submerged in the sea of bodies. All of Mother's children returned to her womb, Andrew chimed in merrily. I could only weakly reply. There are people. Of course there are people! Mother accepts us all.

[01:01:19] You and I will return there too. Her love is truly bountiful. Every word hits me like a bullet to the chest. Their meaning weighed on me so strongly that it felt difficult to stand. I managed to push out the words, I'm not her fucking child.

[01:01:49] Andrew began to raise his hands in reverence to his mother. The love in his eyes was so plain to see that it was almost blinding. Did you not sleep in her embrace? Eat of her fruit? Grasp for her in your time of need? What is that if not a mother and her child?

[01:02:20] He turned his gaze back to me and his demeanor suddenly shifted, taking on a serious tone and steely eyes. What love we take from Mother must be given back. We will all return to the womb. We must return to the womb. For we are mother's children.

[01:02:53] I turned to take one last look at the pit before bolting as fast as I could back in the direction of the clearing which led to my car. It was still dark outside, but I used the route as best I could to orient myself in a direction. Andrew did not make any attempt to stop me, his cheers of adoration still ringing out from behind me as I ran.

[01:03:23] I sprinted through the rows of trees, not daring to touch any of them. I ran for an eternity before finally seeing the clearing that marked the end of the trail. I didn't turn back from my gear. This place can fucking keep it for all I care. It took me ten minutes to get back to my car. Far

[01:03:51] shorter than it should have been, but I was beyond the point of questioning. I sped away from that place as fast as I could. And when I looked back for just a moment, I caught a glimpse of her in the distance. It's been five months since then.

[01:04:22] When I returned home, my life proceeded to move as normal. I went to work, came home, slept, and repeated. Nothing changed, even the parts I wanted to. One of the biggest questions we ask ourselves is where will we go when we die? What

[01:04:51] was the point of all this? What did we live for? I still don't know what my purpose is. I didn't gain any passion ambition, ambition. I don't have a new lease on life. But I do know what's waiting at the end for me. Because I can see it

[01:05:21] in my dreams. Because I can feel the hum in my chest every day, reminding me she's still there. I know what will happen when I die. I'm going to mother. I'm going to Calum Forest Preserve.

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