"Don't Let the Man in the Raccoon Suit Inside" by GN0515 | CLANCYPASTA

[00:00:00] You like to hear true crime podcasts and look behind closed doors?

[00:00:05] Then I have a tip. I am Rahe Klein from Deutschlandfunk

[00:00:09] and I host the podcast Tatortkunst together with Stefan Koldehoff.

[00:00:13] In our new cases, we are looking for, among other things,

[00:00:16] a letter to Franz Kafka's doll.

[00:00:17] And we follow the traces of a spectacular breaking-in series.

[00:00:21] It is often stolen by Chinese art from European museums.

[00:00:26] Tatortkunst is available in the Deutschlandfunk app and everywhere where there are podcasts.

[00:00:56] He begged me, TJ replied,

[00:00:58] a sandy-haired man with green eyes about my age and height.

[00:01:02] He closed the door and led me into the living room.

[00:01:06] I don't usually have people over.

[00:01:09] Well, if I knew you lived like this, I would have asked sooner, I replied,

[00:01:14] comparing my tiny apartment in a college town to TJ's comfortable home.

[00:01:19] Judging by the clean brick exterior, spacious front yard,

[00:01:22] and hardwood floors, he must have lived quite comfortably,

[00:01:26] considering we had the same job.

[00:01:29] Eh, it's alright. I've lived here since I was a kid, TJ said.

[00:01:35] I'm going out on a date tonight, but help yourself to anything in the fridge.

[00:01:38] I have just about every streaming service, so watch whatever.

[00:01:43] Awesome, I seriously appreciate it dude.

[00:01:47] Yeah, I only have one rule, TJ instructed.

[00:01:50] If you see someone in a raccoon suit outside, don't let him in.

[00:01:57] What? I chuckled, thinking he was joking, but his serious expression puzzled me.

[00:02:04] You're messing with me, right?

[00:02:07] No, not at all.

[00:02:09] If you see someone in a raccoon suit, don't let him in the house.

[00:02:13] He replied sternly, grabbing his keys from the coffee table.

[00:02:17] It hasn't happened in a while, but occasionally he comes around and can be a pain.

[00:02:25] Okay, that's kind of weird.

[00:02:28] I know, but if you see a guy dressed in a raccoon suit, do not let him in.

[00:02:32] TJ reiterated as he headed to the front door.

[00:02:36] I'll be gone for a few hours, and he's been coming around less and less, so you'll be fine.

[00:02:42] If I do see him, should I call the cops?

[00:02:47] No, it's not that serious.

[00:02:49] Just call or text me.

[00:02:51] I can shoot him away pretty easily, TJ replied.

[00:02:54] I don't want to get the cops involved.

[00:02:58] Okay, I said, still feeling confused.

[00:03:02] He had to be joking with me, as he gave me a gentle wave and walked out the door, locking it behind him.

[00:03:09] I looked out the window to see him pull away.

[00:03:12] It was starting to get dark as I turned around and settled myself into a nice plush couch.

[00:03:20] It was nearly two hours since TJ had left.

[00:03:24] I was comfortably settled, watching an HBO documentary about the crazy chimp lady.

[00:03:29] It was hard to believe someone could be so unhinged.

[00:03:33] Suddenly, a bright white light filled the window.

[00:03:36] It looked like a spotlight.

[00:03:39] As I approached, I saw shadows of trees, bushes, and other objects on the manicured lawn.

[00:03:46] The light itself felt like one of those used on escaped prisoners in the movies.

[00:03:51] It was a bit overkill, but something else was out there, and I couldn't believe it.

[00:03:57] A man dressed in a raccoon suit.

[00:04:00] The light highlighted the stains, tears, and haggard look of his body suit.

[00:04:08] The head was worse.

[00:04:09] One ear dangled.

[00:04:11] The mouth part was covered in various colors.

[00:04:14] It looked as if the suit had never been washed or, for that matter, taken off.

[00:04:20] What the hell is this?

[00:04:23] I said, as its head turned towards me.

[00:04:25] It waved childishly before walking towards the house.

[00:04:30] I backed away from the window, my mouth agape.

[00:04:35] Knock, knock, knock.

[00:04:38] I stood in the living room, peering down the hall to the foyer.

[00:04:43] I saw the ragged ear from the small window of the door.

[00:04:47] It knocked again more forcefully.

[00:04:52] Hello?

[00:04:53] I know you are in there.

[00:04:55] A male voice said, trying to sound cartoonish and cute.

[00:05:02] I'm just a talking raccoon.

[00:05:04] Won't you let me come in so we can have an amazing adventure together?

[00:05:09] What?

[00:05:10] I yelled in confusion as he began to scratch lightly on the door.

[00:05:16] I took a couple of steps into the hallway.

[00:05:19] Listen, you just need to go away.

[00:05:22] It's been so long since I had an adventure, buddy.

[00:05:26] He screeched as he continued to scratch.

[00:05:30] I promise we will have lots of fun together, but you have to let me in.

[00:05:35] I'm not letting you in.

[00:05:38] Don't you want to have lots of fun?

[00:05:40] Hell no, I screamed.

[00:05:43] TJ said not to let you in.

[00:05:46] TJ?

[00:05:46] He said, overemphasizing the name as he began pawing at the window.

[00:05:53] Me and him go so far back we used to go on adventures together.

[00:05:59] Oh boy, they were so much fun.

[00:06:02] Seriously, go away.

[00:06:06] Boo hoo.

[00:06:08] Boo hoo, you're making me sad.

[00:06:11] He replied sniffing dramatically.

[00:06:13] I'm just a talking raccoon who wants to go on adventures, and you're just a big meanie genie.

[00:06:22] I'm done here, I shouted.

[00:06:25] Go away, I'm not talking anymore.

[00:06:28] Fine, he yelled back before a heavy thud shook the door as if he had kicked it in anger.

[00:06:35] It became silent as the ears slowly retreated.

[00:06:38] I stood there silently waiting to see if anything else would happen, but after a few moments it was eerily quiet.

[00:06:49] I returned to the living room, my phone on the coffee table.

[00:06:54] I considered calling 911 but decided to text TJ instead.

[00:06:59] Perhaps I'd scared him off?

[00:07:02] Hesitating, I said my phone down.

[00:07:06] Sitting nervously on the couch, I clunged my jaw, my stomach churned and my legs jittered.

[00:07:13] I watched the chimpshow but something nodded at me.

[00:07:18] I kept glancing at my phone torn about calling TJ.

[00:07:23] Then I heard it scratching.

[00:07:27] I grabbed my phone and looked toward the foyer.

[00:07:30] The sound wasn't from there, it was coming from elsewhere in the house.

[00:07:36] My mind raced as I followed the sound down a hallway.

[00:07:40] With three doors, the scratching grew more frantic.

[00:07:44] I passed the first door on the right, gently opening it to reveal a spotless bathroom.

[00:07:51] The sound didn't originate there.

[00:07:53] I turned to the left opening the door slowly as the scratching intensified.

[00:08:00] The room was dark, I fumbled for the light switch, finding it eventually.

[00:08:08] The bedroom was immaculate.

[00:08:11] Stepping back out, I heard a voice.

[00:08:16] Hello, new friend.

[00:08:20] I walked over to the door, pushing it open to reveal a dark room with a silhouette in the window.

[00:08:28] I found the light switch and turned it on.

[00:08:31] He stood outside looking at me, but that wasn't what shocked me.

[00:08:38] Inside the room, crude drawings littered the walls, finger paints and crayon scribbles showing two figures.

[00:08:46] One with yellow hair and the other a raccoon standing on two legs.

[00:08:53] Some showed them holding hands, smiling or playing childish games.

[00:08:58] Others, more disturbing, showed the boy frowning and the raccoon crying.

[00:09:06] See? Me and TJ, the two of us go way back.

[00:09:10] He chatted, we were the best of best friends.

[00:09:17] Okay.

[00:09:20] Now me and you can be best, best, best best friends.

[00:09:25] He added, tapping gently on the window.

[00:09:29] Now can I please come in?

[00:09:31] Oh pretty please.

[00:09:34] No, TJ said do not let you in.

[00:09:38] You don't know TJ like I do.

[00:09:42] He brought it.

[00:09:43] He used to be such a fun boy, but then he changed.

[00:09:48] Something happened to him.

[00:09:50] You're not coming into the house.

[00:09:53] Now go away.

[00:09:56] He became a cruel, cruel boy and my adventure buddy became so dark.

[00:10:03] He continued while waving his hand around the window.

[00:10:08] You see it here in this room, don't you?

[00:10:12] I don't care.

[00:10:14] I insisted as he put down his hand suddenly becoming silent for a moment.

[00:10:20] Even with the raccoon head, I could feel his stare boring right through me,

[00:10:26] leaving my stomach in knots.

[00:10:29] He will hurt you like he hurt me.

[00:10:35] He replied his voice with a light tremble,

[00:10:38] but if you let me in I won't let anyone especially TJ hurt my new best friend.

[00:10:48] My mind raced the absurdity of it all impossible.

[00:10:54] This had to be some sick joke and there was only one person who would do something like this.

[00:11:02] Alright, cut the crap.

[00:11:05] I smirked.

[00:11:07] I'll give it to you.

[00:11:08] This is probably a funny prank, TJ.

[00:11:12] I'm not TJ.

[00:11:14] I am a talking raccoon.

[00:11:16] Talking raccoons don't exist.

[00:11:19] You're just a weird prankster in a costume.

[00:11:21] He stood there outside in the wind.

[00:11:26] For a moment he lifted his fake paw and began rubbing his chin.

[00:11:30] I could hear him sigh as he conceded, still in his cartoonish voice.

[00:11:36] Alright, you caught me.

[00:11:39] Good job.

[00:11:40] You passed the friendship test.

[00:11:43] I let out a sigh of relief.

[00:11:45] Alright, I'm glad we can end this game.

[00:11:48] Honestly, it was starting to freak me out.

[00:11:52] Yeah, sorry.

[00:11:54] Sometimes I get a little carried away.

[00:11:58] He chuckled, turning his head toward the front door.

[00:12:02] I'll see you inside, I guess.

[00:12:06] Can you take off the suit?

[00:12:08] I mean, it actually does sort of give me the creeps.

[00:12:12] What?

[00:12:13] He replied, turning his head back to me.

[00:12:17] Take off the head part, at least.

[00:12:21] I said as I stepped a little closer to the window.

[00:12:25] He started to breathe heavily but stood there without saying a word.

[00:12:30] I began to feel a little uneasy again, starting to doubt myself.

[00:12:36] Come on, take it off and you can come inside.

[00:12:40] But I can't do that.

[00:12:43] Alright, there's one way to settle this then.

[00:12:49] I said, thinking of a solution to rest any doubt.

[00:12:53] I pulled up my phone and called TJ's number.

[00:12:57] The phone began to ring as we stood in a staring contest.

[00:13:02] What are you doing?

[00:13:04] I'm calling you, TJ.

[00:13:06] No, no, don't do that.

[00:13:08] My phone is in the treehouse.

[00:13:11] What?

[00:13:13] Hello?

[00:13:13] I heard TJ's voice over the phone.

[00:13:18] My eyes widened and I began to panic.

[00:13:22] Suddenly, the man in the raccoon suit started to scratch at the window,

[00:13:27] medisingly tearing the screen.

[00:13:31] You're not the fucking raccoon?

[00:13:33] I shouted loudly over the phone.

[00:13:36] What?

[00:13:37] Of course I'm not.

[00:13:38] Is he there?

[00:13:39] Seriously?

[00:13:40] TJ answered.

[00:13:41] Yes, he told me he was you.

[00:13:44] Just stay inside the house.

[00:13:46] I'm on my way back.

[00:13:47] TJ replied before hanging up.

[00:13:50] He noticed that I was no longer on the phone and bolted away from the window as I ran out of the room.

[00:13:57] I could hear a doorknob rattling from somewhere as I ran back to the four-year area to see him trying to open it.

[00:14:06] TJ's on his way.

[00:14:08] No!

[00:14:09] He cried, pounding on the door.

[00:14:12] I feared he might break in and didn't know what he was capable of.

[00:14:16] Let me in!

[00:14:18] He'll be home soon.

[00:14:20] The begging and banging stopped, but the silence was brief.

[00:14:25] I heard a crash and ran through the house searching for him.

[00:14:29] The sounds grew more violent and I thought he was trying to break in,

[00:14:34] but I found no sign of him inside the house.

[00:14:38] Then I heard glass shattering.

[00:14:42] The raccoon man had a rock and was smashing my car windows.

[00:14:47] Glass flew everywhere as he swung his furry arm.

[00:14:52] He stopped and I felt relieved until I saw something worse.

[00:14:59] A small red gas can labeled with the word lawnmower, he was pouring gasoline inside.

[00:15:08] No, no, no!

[00:15:10] I shouted as he lit a grill lighter.

[00:15:13] I darted to the front door, unlocked it and ran outside.

[00:15:18] Flames erupted from my car's shattered windows.

[00:15:22] I stopped as the fire grew engulfing the interior.

[00:15:26] Then I heard a door slam.

[00:15:30] He was inside.

[00:15:32] Oh crap, I muttered.

[00:15:35] I heard tires squealing and saw headlights approaching.

[00:15:39] I quickly ran out of the way as TJ burst out.

[00:15:42] Where is he?

[00:15:43] I think he went inside.

[00:15:46] TJ stormed towards his house and I followed meekly.

[00:15:50] He pushed the door open aggressively.

[00:15:53] Don't make me do it!

[00:15:55] He shouted.

[00:15:57] I lingered in the foyer, still fearful and not knowing what would transpire.

[00:16:03] TJ?

[00:16:04] Where is he?

[00:16:05] I yelled as I heard someone running in the living room.

[00:16:08] I cautiously approached and saw TJ and the raccoon man facing each other.

[00:16:14] TJ held a broom.

[00:16:17] Raccoons live outside.

[00:16:18] Shoo! TJ taunted, swinging the broom wildly.

[00:16:23] A loud crack echoed as the broom hit the man.

[00:16:26] Get out of here now!

[00:16:29] No, I won, I finally won!

[00:16:33] The man shouted, blocking his face.

[00:16:36] I won! You can't shoo me anymore!

[00:16:40] I told you raccoons live outside!

[00:16:44] TJ insisted, hitting him again.

[00:16:46] TJ, I'm calling the cops.

[00:16:50] I barked, pulling out my phone.

[00:16:52] But then I saw him dive at TJ, tackling him to the ground.

[00:16:58] They rolled around, knocking over the coffee table.

[00:17:02] The raccoon costume's head came off.

[00:17:05] He looked like TJ, except his hair was long and tangled with a beard.

[00:17:13] His skin covered in dried mud and God knows what else.

[00:17:19] And his eyes wide with frenzy.

[00:17:23] I won! It's been five years, he snarled.

[00:17:30] He stood up holding the broken broom handle.

[00:17:33] Now it's your turn to be the raccoon and live outside.

[00:17:38] I watched as he shoved the raccoon head onto TJ.

[00:17:44] I wasn't sure if I should call the cops.

[00:17:50] I walked outside and looked at my burning car, wondering how I was going to get home.