CLANCYPASTA | "A Crow Keeps Bringing Me $100 Bills"

[00:00:00] I don't know much about birds.

[00:00:13] I feel it would be best to put that out there right away, before I get an angry mob of responses

[00:00:18] about how I use the wrong word to describe this it might be relevant that I held in my lap a large bowl of Chex Mix. Now one thing I have learned since my first meeting with this crow is that salty junk food is not good for birds, not that it's good for humans, but I didn't know to keep a pet or wrangle lizards or whatever animal people do. This experience opened my eyes to what rewards could come from such an interest.

[00:03:00] I put another piece of food on the rail, and this time he didn't back up at all and gobbled

[00:03:05] it up real quick. time. I went to lay a piece of a cracker down on the flat topped rail, but before I could even lay it atop the surface, he pecked it straight out from my fingers. I retracted my arm to my chest instantly in reaction and started giggling like a little girl. This bird didn't seem to be scared of me at all anymore.

[00:04:23] I fetted a few more pieces, and the encounter came to a close when he snatched an entire I don't know if the crow is male or female, but he gives me masculine vibes, so I'm just gonna go with that. Well, there are lots of little anecdotes I could give you aside from the ones already stated in my time hanging with the crow, but in all honesty, that's not anywhere near the

[00:05:41] point of this post.

[00:05:44] The reason I'm even typing this up right now at all is because of what has happened since Something caught my attention. It looked like there was something stuck into a crack in the patio chair I usually sit in, on the backrest between two rubber flaps. I threw on my slippers and lumbered out to see what it was. As I uncrumpled what I thought was a dirty. There was no way, simply no way, a bird would get a hold of such a valuable bill, let alone give it to me as a gift. But life is one strange beast. A few days later, as I sat with my peanuts waiting to see if anyone wished to pay me

[00:08:22] a visit, my bird friend suddenly appeared right thought to myself. Two hundred dollars for a few peanuts within a few days is pretty good, if you ask me. But then it happened again, two days later.

[00:09:42] And then the horrible realization that someone could come looking for this money. Say this crow is crawling in through the vents to night. I had been sitting out on my back porch for about three hours, watching the treeline,

[00:12:21] and waiting for the little and jumped in my Chevy. I peeled out quicker than I ever had before and started on down the neighborhood road running a stop sign to turn quickly onto the road heading the direction of the crow. I was gunning it down this road. In the sun, though setting, was still shining quite a bit of light into the sky.

[00:13:44] My eyes dashed frantically between the branches from the setting sun. I slammed the breaks, feeling like I could ram into a tree easier than not, but luckily,

[00:15:02] within a few moments, my eyes adjusted enough to make out that the trees were still to both seconds, I just decided to keep on going. Both options seemed bad, so I just stuck with the path of least resistance. The sun was now gone, and my headlights were on. I had been driving down this path for a long while now, no less than thirty minutes.

[00:16:22] I was growing quite worried now.

[00:16:24] The road hadn't changed a bit since I had been driving on continued into and through this cemetery, and judging by the happy to see you. I wanted to get out of there as quickly as humanly possible. As I continued moseying along in my car, looking around in search of an exit desperately, I noticed something that blood. It was the body of a man, no older than fifty, dressed up in a black hoodie, laying face down on the ground right beside a tree, a large streak of blood coating the entire side of this tree and soaking most of the hoodie,

[00:21:31] to the next, and a body it indeed was. Similar, but different in some ways.

[00:21:39] This was a middle-aged looking man as well, though much skinnier. He had a black ski mask to pair with both his black hoodie and black sweatpants. This guy was trying to book it straight over and drive as long as I had to to get out when I suddenly heard to the other side, I was knowing what site the grave robbers might

[00:25:44] have left it in. You see, his torso, or what was left of it, was completely exposed. No clothing whatsoever to cover the rib cage. But that's not it. His ribs were filled bottom to top to the very brim,

[00:28:07] And every time I'd look up to the bird, it'd meet my gaze immediately, like it had already been staring.

[00:28:10] The last time I stared down to the grave, a thought popped into my mind.

[00:28:17] A thought that, as probably, already popped into yours.

[00:28:24] Why don't I take some? It was like the light on my flashlight began to dim out, everything beginning to plunge rapidly to darkness, except for the face of the bird. Suddenly all I could see was the crow and the dollar bill it held in its mouth.

[00:29:42] Its eyes began to grow and grow and suddenly they were the size of softballs and would My flashlight was suddenly back in my peripheral, illuminating the world in front of me. But the bird was nowhere to be seen. What followed next is really just one big blur.

[00:31:01] A blur of branches and wind racing past me, and then I was flying down some dirt path. I sat back there more or less all day today. I just came back inside no more than an hour ago, after the sun had long since set. My friend never did show up. I guess I'm going to have to come to terms with the possibility that what I saw out there

[00:32:25] was not a hallucination. and YouTube member supporters and my one Spotify supporter right now. Thank you so much. All the $2 up supporters are flying by on the screen at the moment, but I need to give a verbal thank you pasta and for just a dollar a month every single episode that gets posted to YouTube now Gets posted on there at basically the same time ad free So no ads that means no pre rolls that means no post rolls that means no mid rolls